Clarity is really important when you’ve only got a few scant seconds to grab and hold your audience’s attention.
If you’re making a special offer it’s vital to get your message in good shape. Or you’ll get a feeble response.
I found this yesterday: Get a 90 day free trial for a targeted professional ad for your business for just £8.99 per month.
Hm. They’ve used the word for three times, which is lazy. Per month is unnecessarily pompous compared to the plain English version, a month. And the proposition doesn’t make sense. Is it free? Or is there actually a monthly charge?
As it turns out, on investigation (I was curious!) they were offering a free ad for three months, which would otherwise cost £8.99 a month. Here’s a couple of ideas for expressing the deal better and in fewer words:
- Targeted advertising – FREE 90 day trial – usually £8.99 a month
- A powerful targeted ad FREE for 90 days – normally £8.99 a month
